I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
