i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
