I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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