There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
