why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
