so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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