I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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