I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize