never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
