I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
