Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
