sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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