so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
