Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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