Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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