It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
