Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He shit in the fireplace
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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