haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
