it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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