I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
