i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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