can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's official drugs can't kill me
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
