so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
