i was rollin on her like bob the builder
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
