I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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