Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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