Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
