I just saw a hot homeless man
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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