His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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