I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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