It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
