He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
