youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
