A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
