my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
