I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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