Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
