i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize