Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't deserve a penis
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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