ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
