I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
