I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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