Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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