whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
