Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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