I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
