I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
