i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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