Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
