plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
