i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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