I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
