Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
