im about as happy as oj after his trial
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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