i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
