this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
