I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Ladies don't puke and tell
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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