census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Sober January is a disaster.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
