please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
