I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You ate ashes out of my bong
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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