Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
