Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
