yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
