i jhust puked up my retainher.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
