I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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