I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
