I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.