dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?