Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
