Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize