I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
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She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
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I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
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