Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
