You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
