never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
