I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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