I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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