I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
