Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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