90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
